Label Me A Failure

I did everything and have nothing to show for it. What a pity. I could have done nothing and stripped others of their glory, like many did with me, but I didn't. Perhaps I’m a fool. I wonder if I will make it in this world. Anyway, soon I will no longer be in a position of power. I will be ordinary once again; and actually, I can’t wait! Finally, I will be free of the rules that bind me like a book. The ideas expressed will be my own and I shall savor every word, like if it was my last. If making it in this world means doing and saying what others expect me to, I would rather be labeled a failure.

The Chore

The knife is my hand,
and it feels so good.
They don't make a run for it,
they just stay put, there, acting lifeless.
Nothing has a chance to escape!
They fear me...
"Mom, I'm done cutting the vegetables!"

By: Brandy Ruiz

Recycle

I am the trash that attracts
the worst type of grime,
as I tumble aimlessly towards the gutter.
You don't bother to see me, here, falling.
Why don't you try to pick me up?
Are you really that selfish?
In any case, I'll remain here waiting;
dreaming of being lifted and recycled
so I can start over.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Brandy Pandy

A friend of mine wrote the following poem yesterday. He said it was a gift for my birthday, which is tomorrow. It's about me. He is always trying to psycho analyze me. My lack of self-confidence must had been his inspiration, lol. Anyway, enjoy.

The timid eyes, without shaken pride,

she hides from all that lies, but can’t hide the fight,

but it’s because of the fight, that she hides in plain sight.

The idea is there, but what are the words?

The idea without expression, how absurd!

That’s stupid, that sucks, and that swallows;

so behind my screen I release my sorrows.

Why do I do this?

I don’t know.

Don’t ask me questions, just leave me alone!

But read my words, I swear this is me.

The laughter, the innocent smile,

why can’t you see that it’s only skin deep.

I retreat into myself.

Friend to lost souls and misfits,

sibling to the gross, sweet souls,

so I pretend to give a shit.

They depend on me, but I wasn’t ready.

They can’t blame me, fuck them.

It’s not my fault their judgment wasn’t steady,

But the truth is, I’m bright as a nova.

The party revolves around me, about me, for me,

I AM the next generation!

The quiet idea will scream loud,

as the timid brings you to your knees.

I will hide no more when the quiet tide turns to my favor.

“Are you ready for more?” will be my threat to all the haters.

By: Scott Stamler

Tumbleweed

I speak
but the words don’t sound,
they're too controversial,
so I’m tuned out.
They're not thinking for themselves,
for their minds have been tampered with;
lies of liberty, justice, and the American dream,
cloud their independent thought.
It seems they rather die
dependent and deprived,
than fight for truth,
given that my words are simply tossed
into the wind.
There they blow!
The letters tangled and dry,
a tumbleweed comes to mind.

By: Brandy Ruiz

I'm Normal Again!

I got a Monroe and tounge piercing today. I haven't had either for acouple of years. It feels good to be back to normal. I felt so weird without them. The pain was tolerable; I actually enjoyed the experience. Hi, me from the future, I have two lip piercings but no piercing! I had to take them off.

Mother's Garden

In her garden time withers
like the nameless plant
she despises.
She's the creator,
there, fixated on the moist soil
she concentrates her magic;
her fingertips smooth over the earth,
as her eyes feast on the rich colors
of the flowers, tomatoes, chili peppers, and basil,
all of which never smelled as sweet,
as they do today.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Resiste! by La Resistencia

Viva Ska!

I love this song! La Misma, by Red Store Bums!

A Bad Friend

I am reflecting and realizing that I have been ignoring everyone that is not in my family. Is this that defense mechanism I created years ago as means for emotional survival?

I have heard that there are other people besides your family that care about you and what you do. Friends, they call them. I have friends, right? I think I do. I have been told that I do. If they are my friends, certainly then, they would understand, that I am afraid and that I have been afraid.

Honestly, I feel that I won’t see any of them again. Maybe I'm trying to give myself an excuse; If I’m bad enough, then that would be why they aren’t speaking to me once we graduate, and not because life has decided to separate us. We are all going to have different lives. That's a good thing, right? I'm not so sure. I fear time will force us apart. In a few years, we would no longer know we exist! Will I be losing a big part of me?

I feel that I have no control! I am struggling for control?! Is this why I am acting the way I am? If so, why have I decided on the destructive path? Is it easier? Maybe. But I have hurt many with this mentality. This just goes to show, I can't be a good friend.

I don't understand why my friends just don't leave me though. They are not obligated to struggle with me, yet they do. I know they deserve better, so what should I do? It is obvious that I am wrong. One of my friends called me out on my bullshit. She is right; I have been cruel. I have been beating friendships senseless since I acknowledged their existence. Why? If only I was brave enough to tell them, that I love them, and I am going to miss them all very much. Alas, it's days like today that I wish I lived in a hole as dark as me.