Racists, Bigots and Nazis - STFU!

Why ?

Lover, Be Patient

Keep your feelings
on a leash,
don't let them show
through your eyes,
lover, be patient,
let him be,
time will unveil the lies.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Don't Want To Jinx It

I haven't posted anything in a while. I suppose you want to know why, huh? Well, keep wondering, lol! I don't want to say anything for fear of jinx it. There I go again, with my superstitions, but I really don't want to say or do anything that may risk ending this experience. Anyway, all you have to know is that I've found something that makes me happy. I don't know how long it will last, but I wish I could keep it.

Bed Intruder Song

A friend posted this video on her Facebook page a few days ago. I saw it for a few seconds and didn't get it so I was like, "fuck this", and logged off. Then today, another friend mentioned the video and showed me the original footage before playing this one. I got it! It's so fucken funny. It's an earworm! I catch myself humming it and saying the words under my breath. I'm like, "WTF?" LMAO!

Brandy Is Cool. That Is A Lie.

I was hanging out with my guy friend today. He asked if I could type without looking at the key board. I could sometimes, but I admitted that I couldn't. I asked if he could. He said, "yeah", so I told him to prove it. I told him to type that I was cool. He started to do it, but I got distracted, and when I came back, this was on the screen:

Brandy is cool.

That is a lie.

The world in your hands is an opportunity to smash your frustrations or grow your troubles.

In the pieces of broken dreams are steps to a new reality.

Elephant songs announce the loudest threats.

He's such a dork! ^_^

M.I.A- XXXO

I like M.I.A's music, but this video is wack! It looks like a Myspace page. Was that the point? Do you like it?

Memories Rush Back

I can't stop thinking about him now. I wonder how he's doing. Oh, let me clarify who I'm writing about. I dated this guy for a few months, like 5 years ago. The reason why I'm remembering him is because I came across a song we used to listen to all the time. We used to blast it on my mom's DJ. The music sounded throughout the neighborhood. We thought we were all cool, lol. Anyway, we made some great memories. I liked him a lot. He was so sweet and had an innocence to him, even though he was a gangster. He said he loved me and would do anything for me. But, I just couldn't respond. I was scared. I didn't believe him. What would have become of my life if I would have stayed with him?

Man, I just remembered, he broke my heart! :( It's a trip how the memories rush back. I had blocked him out all these years. This is so strange. I remember being mad. I couldn't stop crying. My sister was actually being nice to me and trying to console me. I think this is when I changed. I became more careful. I didn't want to feel what I felt that night ever again. After that experience, I gave all the guys that liked me a hard time. I push them away. I didn't want to get close to anyone. I felt vulnerable. I still feel like that, but I can't allow myself to stay stuck in teenage heartbreak mode. I want to fall in love. I want to feel butterflies in my stomach every time I think about him. I want to love and feel loved. When will he show up and take my breath away?

I Can Choose?

Oh, great. I think I'm fucking up, but I'm not sure. I'm so annoyed with myself for being so damn indecisive all the time. I'm sure I'm not the only one that goes through roller coaster emotions. So, now what do I do? Do I want a relationship? If so, with who? If not, then what do I want and with who? I guess I have to get out of my comfort zone and actually test myself out. Can I be a good girlfriend? Maybe, that's the questions that needs to get answered. Well, there's no harm in trying things out and having fun, right?

Orgasm Arts

I like learning new things and this is definitely something of interest. I didn't know there were different types of female orgasms. A whole body orgasm is possible?! That's fucken awesome! Click on the links to watch the videos I saw on female orgasms and finger techniques. I'm embarrassed to try them, but I know that knowing about these things will prove useful in the future. I'm sure you all will enjoy this as much as I did. It's not that graphic, so don't be a snatch and check it out!

Orgasm Arts- Introduction

Two Finger Technique

Clitoris

Oral Sex

I Need To Get Over Myself

What have I been up to? Wouldn't you like to know? Well, if you must know, I've been trying to start a relationship. I'm afraid though, but who isn't? My curiosity is getting the best of me. I wonder what will happen. What type of relationship will this be? Will this guy be my first heart break? Or, will he be a close friend? My first sexual partner? Does anyone ever know what type of relationship they will have?

This is probably like when I stand in front of a gumball machine. I never know what color I'm going to get, but I keep wishing for the red one. Most of the time I get a random color, something I didn't expect, but end up liking it anyway.

Relationships are so complicated, man. It seems like almost everyone is better at maintaining relationships than I am. I don't understand why I am so bad at it. I need to get over myself, because I want to have meaningful experiences with people I care about. I don't want to end up alone, with like three dogs and a talking parrot. Yeah, I've thought about it, LOL!

The Moon and Me

Whenever I stare at the moon,
as I do tonight,
my mind clears;
the thoughts that worried me before,
escape into the night,
like murderers from a crime scene-
I'm going to be alright,
I'm alone but reassured that
my dreams will come true,
as I am still alive,
and so is he.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Why Is This Feeling?

The actions I was upset about were of no importance compared to his words. As I read his e-mail responses, I felt like all the sadness had gathered in my chest and had burned a hole through it. I don't know how to describe it, but the more I cried, in my dark quiet room, the feeling went away. How do my sisters and other people do it? You know, create and maintain relationships. Many times I wish I wouldn't feel or care about what other people thought of me. But I do and it sucks for me because I just realized that I'm always going to get hurt. I guess the best thing to do is to find a way to cope with it and move on. I'm not going to get hurt.

Friendship

It's interesting to see how friendships unfold. I never thought I would be friends with this quiet, yet awesome guy. He's so funny and has a dark side that I like. He's like me in many ways. It's so hard for me to get along with anyone, especially girls. Probably because I always had crushes on them. They always place me in weird situations: "Brandy, can you shave my vag..." My response: "Umm, sure". Did I go through with it? No! That would have been wrong, lol. Okay, I think I strayed off my point. Did I have a point? I guess I just wanted to say that I'm glad I found a good friend that I can confide in. You know who you are, punk! ^_^

This Is The Part I Hate

I was able to conceal the sadness I felt inside, at least until I got home. Now, I sit on my bed and think about my day. This is the part I hate. I hate thinking about how stupid I looked today. The laughs. The pat on the head. What the fuck is wrong with me? Better yet, what the fuck is wrong with him?! I thought he liked me. I was wrong. He couldn't be attracted to me. People that like each other are nice and flirt with one another. He doesn't even try. His friend does all the flirting and it makes me uncomfortable. I bet he didn't even notice that I was trying to look cute for him. I shouldn't have done that. I feel like such a fool.

Fail.

Shuffling

Yesterday, I saw my brother watching this video on YouTube. I didn't know what shuffling was until then. It's awesome! I actually tried it. They make it look so easy. That shit is fucken hard. Props to those who have mastered it! ^_^

I Kissed Him, Again!

Well, in my dream anyway, ha ha! Why did I do it? Is my subconscious telling me something? Do I seriously have feelings for this guy? I don't understand myself most of the time. I get this funny feeling in my chest when I think about him. I need to check myself. He probably doesn't even like me. I was mean to him. Ah, whatever. I guess I'll just have to live with the "what if" feeling. I wonder if I ever come out in people's dreams.

Religious Contradiction

What's with all the paths to salvation? Why does life have to be so complicated? I was baptised Catholic when I was a baby. I could have gone without that though. Since my parents are loose with the religion, I've been raised with an obscure idea of God and the devil. I remember as a kid my parents would tell me that if I misbehaved, the "cucuy" was going to take me. I would run around scared, crying that I was going to behave. I promised. Out of curiosity, I just googled this word; it says that the "cucuy" is the Mexican boogey man. I always thought it meant the devil. Anyway, my affiliation with this religion has always been loose. I was told to believe in Jesus. That he is God and he can save me from hell when I died. I was told that I was protected by angels and that I should pray to my guardian angel. I only know two prayers. I doubt I say them correctly. Does it matter?! Does this mean my prayers were never heard? Hmm.

Alright, so what's the point? Why am I writing this? I don't know. I guess to know if others have had this same experience. How have others dealt with it? I just always felt weird about it. I don't go to church. Actually, I can count the times I've been to church. I would say about eight times since I was born. I've only read Genesis. I wear a Rosary my mother bought me. It was blessed in Rome, if you even care. I just googled "Rosary", I didn't even know I had to pray to it! I just rubbed it like a magic lamp, hoping my wishes would come true. Okay, so I watch too many cartoons, but what was I supposed to think? My parents don't even know how to use it!

This brings me to my beliefs. I believe in a higher power, in energy that we can manipulate, but I definitely don't believe in the church. I don't have to go to church to be told what is good. I can make my own decisions and recognize right from wrong. I don't know what to think about religion. A friend introduced me to Nichiren Buddhism and I've been chanting on and off for a few months. It centers me. I told my mom about my chanting and she freaked out. I know it's because she doesn't understand it. She told me that I was going to hell if I didn't believe in Jesus. I was like, "What the fuck?"

I know God has many names; Is Jesus one of them? Is he the higher power? I heard he was just a prophet sent to earth from God. If he is the source, then I can say I believe in Jesus, right? Can I chant and believe in God too? I'm not so sure. It's complicated, because when I chant, I am not praying to an external being to act in my favor, rather I am chanting to the energy within myself and trying to reach enlightenment. If I chant, then that means I can't believe in God? Or, does it mean that since I am chanting to the energy within me, that God gave me, technically, I am able to do both? Is this rational? Life is all about contradictions. I think I'm going to live with this contradiction until I die. I wonder what will happen after I die: Will Jesus save me? Will I go to hell? Will I be reincarnated with good karma?

Ah, too many questions!!

Teen Baby Shower

I'm going to my second cousin's baby shower tonight. She's seventeen, I think. I rather watch sharks bite the crap out of surfers all night, than go celebrate her misfortune. Alright, so you can tell I don't like her. Well, it's not that I don't like her specifically, I don't like pregnant teens in general. Their irresponsibility pisses me off. She, like my sisters, are going to suffer emotionally and financially because of this. Thinking about the children makes me sad. They never asked to be brought to this hell hole. Sigh.

Shark Week on Discovery

Sharks scare the shit out of me! I tend to stay away from the water when I go to the beach. I like learning about them though. They are so interesting! I'm watching 10 Deadliest Sharks right now. You should watch it too and learn something.

Ooh, I made a shark! Look:   > ,^ ;>

Daft Punk

I love these songs. Awesome videos.

Around the World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9MszVE7aR4

Technologic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoPplpBPQxQ

One More Time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGBhQbmPwH8

The World

Do people accept the world as it is, even though they don't agree with it, because they are told it's impossible to change? What if I did the same? Is this what you're doing? You really believe you can't make a difference? Life has no meaning if you're not contributing to the development of the world. Deep down, I need to believe I can create change, but I can't do it alone.

Must We Live Under Capitalism?

Capitalism is greed. Greed is human nature, right? Well, at least that's what some argue. So, does this mean we must live under Capitalism?

For centuries politicians have run for office claiming they will make a difference; they promise to make changes that will better the living conditions of the people they represent. Though I can't deny that there have been improvements, mostly due to revolutionary action by the masses, there has not been a significant effort to decrease the poverty level, in my opinion. Soon there will be no middle class. People will either be dirt poor or fitly rich. Is this the type of world we want to live in? I don't.

Why are we so divided? I've come to notice that this division of the working class is not an accident. It's a tool used by capitalist to keep the workers from uniting and fighting against abuse. Did you know that, yeah, though society eliminated one form of slavery, we all are still wage slaves?! The amount of money we get paid divides us. As a people, we are divided in numerous ways: wage, race, sex, culture, religion, language, education, social status, geographic location, etc. All of these are in every society, not just capitalist states, but these same things, due to the media under capitalism, are pushed to create stereotypes and hate for ourselves and others. This keeps people fighting with each other and never realizing the power they have as a collective. Workers keep getting exploited with no way of fighting back. I wonder if I'm making any sense.

Anyway, the reason I'm writing my thoughts on capitalism is because I read an article on Forbes.com rationalizing the morality of capitalism. Many of the logic it used to explain it's morality was bullshit, at least based on what I know and have been learning. I understand that it's human nature to be competitive, but it's also human nature to want to contribute, be humanitarians, and thus advance society. It's not due to capitalism itself that society has advanced, like the author of the article, "How Moral Is Capitalism", explains. Since there is no way to go back in time and test out an entirely different system, with the result of the test being that capitalism is in fact the better system and that it is the reason for all the innovation, I think this idea can't be proven and it's stupid. Humans are naturally inclined to create and innovate things if there is a need for it. I don't believe that inovation would end if capitalism declined. Does money really have to be a motivator to produce?

My final thought:
People that really want to change society need to understand that reform doesn't work. Capitalism is impossible to fix. It is flawed and rotten to the core. Or, is there hope of equality? Can capitalism be made into a system that benefited and assisted the people that keep it from crumbling, the workers? I doubt it. What do you think?

One Person Can Start A Revolution

I know my last post upset some people, but I could care less. I was laughing out loud the whole time. I know others with my sense of humor also enjoyed it. Blogging is the coolest thing, man. People that don't typically express themselves verbally, can do so anonymously on the web.

I'm actually looking forward to writing more blogs like that. Not about vaginas, but about real life. I'm interested in the human experience. I have this theory. I know I am only one person, but if I am open about my experiences, feelings, and thoughts, others will feel safe enough to do the same and thus exposing the human mind. We are so complex!

If I had a super power, it would be to get inside and understand the mind. Impossible, but awesome! I hope my small seemingly insignificant blog is appearing on screens. In a few years, it could be viewed by people all across the world. My words could actually have an effect on others. Okay, I might be giving myself too much worth, but it's possible. One person can start a revolution. History tells us this.

Vagin- ahh!

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Has God Left Us?

Obviously, I wasn't in my room reading that book on ethics. Instead, I went to hang out in my back yard. On my walk, I found this booklet. I usually hide when church people knock on the door, so I'm wondering how this got here. Perhaps they left it on the door step, but the wind blew it to the back yard? Well, it doesn't really matter. I just left it there.

Ethics, huh?

Alright, so I haven't been doing anything productive lately. I've just been lazing around the house, sick. But at least I started reading. I actually took an Ethics course at my community college two years ago. I got a B. I never even read the book the professor assigned! Yeah, I know. Shame on me. This is why I've decided to read it now. I'm transferring to UC Berkeley in the spring. I should have some background in ethics, right? Anyway, it's interesting. Ethics. I just wish I wouldn't doze off after every few paragraphs. I can't help it!