Cleaned Out My Closet

I couldn’t have chose a better day to literally clean out my closet. I’ve had books, academic papers, exams, shoes, clothes, computer accessories, and my treasure chest all piled on top of each other on the top part of my closet for months now! I can’t believe how much of a pack rat I’ve become! Or, should I say I’ve just been busy…too busy to clean? Yeah, lets go with that one! LOL! Nah, no excuses! I would pull away from the idea of organizing it whenever I remembered how much crap was actually in it. I was just lazy. But today, for some strange reason, I had the urge to clean it out. Maybe I felt like doing it because it’s New Years Eve and I wanted a fresh start. Whatever the reason, I did it! It took me two hours. I’m proud of myself.

So, why am I making a big deal out of cleaning my stupid closet? Because I’ve actually been feeling so down lately I can almost say I was in a slight depression. Why? Because my entire family has been sick. My nieces had pneumonia. My mom, brother, sisters, and I have had a cold for about a week. Worst yet, my father has been bedridden since the day after Christmas. He had pneumonia and is now having complications due to his Diabetes. It’s hard for me to see him take so many pills and still be in such pain. I’ve almost felt like I wasn’t going to get any cleaning, organizing, and packing done before Move-in Day at Cal on Jan. 12th, 2011, because of my worrying about his health. He woke up looking better today though, which is why I think I got motivated to pack some items up. I need to stay positive and shower my home with positive energy. He will heal soon. I will make sure of that. I’m looking forward to the new year. This year, 2010 has been stressful, yet productive. I will make the new year, 2011, productive and  fun!! I wish you all a very healthy and happy New Year!! Love ya! ~Bee

One Love

It’s the day after finals. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I caught something, a type of flu, I think, the night I stayed up cramming for the Chemistry final. I’m sure my immune system was down because of the stress to finish this semester strong. The lack of sleep, anxiety, and pressure to excel made me susceptible to poor health. It’s actually been messing with my thoughts and overall mood. However, though I’ve been sick, I took all my final exams with an extreme determination to earn the highest grade. This semester I took Chemistry, Social Psychology, Sociology, and Library Science. More than half of my time this semester was spent studying Chemistry. I am proud of myself. I never thought I would take a course in Chemistry, nor did I ever dream I would earn the best grade. Yeah, you read correctly. I got an “A” in Chemistry! The rest of my time was divided between the other classes; most of it went towards Sociology, then Social Psychology, and lastly Library Science. They were all challenging courses. I’ve never felt so pressured to learn. I’m glad that I have the mental capacity and social support to navigate through the bourgeoisie education system…I will end that there, since I don’t feel like ranting about social structures and inequality.


Changing topics, my friend is proud of me. She says that my magic is on! It’s true. I’ve been able to make thoughts materialize. She believes that we are pure energy and if we are positive in our thinking, do things that will lead to the ultimate goal we have, we can create the outcome. I’ve never forgotten what she’s told me, which is, “You are always in control.” I believe that we can make anything happen, if we work hard and believe in what we are doing. I trust that this developing consciousness of oneness will be the reason for my long, healthy, and positive life. I look forward to my life’s transition. In a few weeks, I will have new experiences, thoughts, and pieces to share. Keep me in your thoughts. I’ll keep you in mine. One love. Bee.

Extra Credit!

To get extra credit in my Library Science research course, I needed to create a web page, blog, or join a social network and post a few things on it. I decided that my blog would be the best place to post the links requested.

1. Graphic.

2. Tile on the top of the page.

3. Six linkable URLs to your class project topic:

Best Online Resources for Learning about Maladaptive Personality Disorders
http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/39/17/12
http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/persdisorders.html
http://www.merckmanuals.com/home/sec07/ch105/ch105a.html
http://www.healthofchildren.com/P/Personality-Disorders.html
http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders
http://www.health.am/psy/personality-disorders/

4. Link to a news video:

Univision:Top-5-secrets-revealed-on-Wikileaks

5. An entry within the last month.

I'm Fucken Sick!

I don't ever remember being this sick! I have a massive head ache, stomach ache, and a sore throat. I woke up in a whimper this morning. The first thing I did was reach for some medicine. I can hardly utter a sound. That's how bad this thing is. I don't even know what to call what I have. Basically, I feel like I have a hangover, but I didn't drink any alcohol. I could sure use a drink right about now though.

Anyway, although I got sick Sunday night, as I crammed for the Chemistry final, I haven't allowed this "feeling like shit" thing get to me. I've taken three of four final exams. The last one is actually the easiest: Library Science. I haven't felt like posting anything these past few days because of exams. I will probably have less time to blog when I start attending Cal. I hope that's not the case.

It's Time!

I have a research paper due one Monday for Social Psychology that I have yet to start working on. Not to mention, I have two finals the day this paper is due: Social Psych. and Chem. which is the cause of my stress in more recent days. I can't believe that this semester is finished! I feel like I was physically in this world for the past few months, but my mind wasn't. As if, my thoughts have been frozen in time and are now awaken by fear. It's a strange and somewhat scary feeling. In this world, time means everything and nothing at the same time, you know. We are pressured to keep track of time and squeeze as many activities into an hour as possible so as to be or appear productive. But what does that mean, really? Does any of this "productivity" matter? We are always trying to please and impress others, but why? Why don't we strive to please ourselves and do the things that we like to do? Why must we be slaves to the time created by man? Shouldn't we live by our own interpretation of time and live peacefully? Is that even possible? ... It seems impossible!

Relationship Issues

I feel like my first relationship wasn't really a "relationship". What do I mean? I mean, it was more of a friendship with benefits than anything romantic or special. Honestly, I thought that was the type of relationship I wanted, but as I reflect back on it, all I have are empty memories. I felt shallow emotions for this guy and never anything real. I can't really explain what I was feeling, except that it was mostly sexual and not emotional. I was sexually frustrated, I think it's called. I confuse my thoughts and feelings. I guess that's a reason for my strange behavior, LOL!

So, what am I looking for? What do I need? I just want to be happy, man. Will anyone make me happy? I think that's where the problem resides. I need to find ways, things, to make myself happy before I can expect anyone else to. Right? I think I just resolved my own problem. I shouldn't get involved with anyone until I figure out what it is I like and need.

Entertain me! :)

What type of relationships do you seek? Do you look for meaningful relationships or fun one night stands? Which do you recommend? Does it depend on your mood or situation? What would you do in my situation?

It's a Grandpa Song

I was writing a post about a problem I was having when I heard my niece singing about random things. I decided to type down what I heard and sing it back to her, LOL! She's adorable! She named this piece, "Grandpa Song".

Grandpa was walking
and he was at work,
he was giving me coffee
and juice,
he was giving me coffee
and food,
smoothie too!
I didn't drink all of the drinks,
no, not lot of drinks, no!
Only one smoothie
because I get fat.

By: Diamond Hernandez

She Wasn't Drunk!

I guess my sister wasn't drunk. She was actually drugged by a guy at the bar in Hollywood. Damn, she's lucky to be alive!! I hope she learned her lesson. I know I've learned from her experience. Only time will tell. This isn't the first almost fatal incident she's found herself in. God, protect her! I'm scared for her.

I'm Surprised She's Alive!

I fell asleep at 3am today; I was cramming for my 3rd Chemistry Mid-term. I couldn't go back to sleep. Why? Because at 4:30am, I heard my mother's frantic voice and my father's tired groan. My mother was waking up my youngest sister, who lives across the hall with her two children. Apparently, my sociopathic sister was being held at the West Hollywood Police Department. Why? She was extremely drunk. Two hours later, my mother and sister dragged my passed-out sister onto her bed, where she's still knocked out. I'm surprised she's still alive! My mother said she was hardly conscious. I wonder how she ended up in the police department and why didn't they call an ambulance. She could have overdosed and died there! That would have thrown me over the edge, really! My parents must feel horrible about this entire situation. I hope they're not blaming themselves for her foolish behavior. I think this is just the life she wants to live. Her motto must be, "Live crazy, die young."