To Vote or Not to Vote- That Is The Question!

Election day is November 2nd, 2010. I'm not even sure if I should vote. Unfortunately, the public officials aren't worth voting for. I'd either be voting for dumb, or dumber, for California Governor. Republican or Democrat, there's no difference; they both work for the bosses. It's rather entertaining to see them debate the issues, disagree on the process, but in the end give the same result. The elite win, we lose. Will we ever get a different result under Capitalism? I don't know, but if we could, I won't live to see it. All I know is that the people's interest isn't on their agenda. If they don't serve us, the people who put them in office, who do they serve? Think about it.

I once dreamed of being a California Senator. I believed in democracy, and thought I could improve the lives of the people I would serve. I found out early in my college education, however, that public officials spend most of their time in office raising money for their re-election campaign. That really disappointed me. I realized then that I didn't want to be part of a system that abused the trust of the people. What do I want to do with my life then? That's yet to be determined.

Anyway, back to November 2nd, 2010. Am I the only one that feels misinformed on the ballot propositions? It pisses me off just thinking about them. Why? Do you know what the fuck you're voting for? Are you even voting? Is your vote going to make a difference? Really? Is it?

Democracy is an illusion.

"I swear to the Lord, I still can't see, why Democracy means, everybody but me." -Langston Hughes

Monday Nap

I'm half asleep. I stayed up until 3am last night and 4am the previous night. I've been trying to cram two chapters of Chemistry before taking the fifth 40 question written and multiple choice quiz today. I took a Rockstar Energy Shot this morning, before eating breakfast at McDonalds, and I feel like I'm crashing now. I have a quiz and two essays due tomorrow morning for Sociology. Eh, I'll work on that later on today. I'm going to take a nap. Have a productive day! :)

Cannibalism...Would You Do It?!

I was Googling words yesterday because I was bored. I forgot which word I Googled when I came across several articles and blogs on modern cannibalism. The thought of eating human flesh remains taboo in almost every culture. I actually found this topic fascinating! Humans eating humans! Doesn't that sound so primitive? The ancient practice of eating human meat remains in modern society! I think that's fucken awesome! Don't you think that's interesting? I was surprised to find out that there is an entire community of cannibals looking for voluntary victims via the Internet. Google Armin Meiwes and you'll see what I'm talking about. I was actually laughing really hard when I read a post from a guy looking for someone to eat his toes. He did get a response. This was my face the entire time I read the blog: 0_o OMG! I kept wondering if I would ever be in a situation where cannibalism was the only option for survival. What would I do? What would you do? There are lots of cases where people had to resort to cannibalism before being rescued. That must have been a traumatic experience. Hmmm, my final thought: I wonder if cannibals travel a lot in hopes of getting lost with groups of unsuspecting tourists. LOL!

Insignificant Me

I wrote this poem a few years ago. I can't believe I found it! I still remember why I wrote it, lol.

Sorrow and hate
whirl in my heart,
like an angry twister.

Hopelessness
          Emptiness

Loneliness

          Patheticness
oh, so sinister.

An unwanted presence,
I’m considered a foe.
Me against the world,
the world against me.

I’m imprisoned by fear
and possessed by jealousy.
I'm hated by all,
oh, so menacingly.

How selfish of me!
Insecure as can be.
How foolish I am!
Insignificant me.
 

By: Brandy Ruiz

Clearing My Mind

Ahhh! It's hard for me to focus! There are just too many things on my mind. I guess I should write them down to get them out of my head!

• I need to transfer to Cal if it's the last thing I do! I have my reasons. I'm sure you'd want to move out of your parents house too. Of course, I'll feel guilty about it! I think I've blogged about this before. Eh, I'm sure I'll blog about this later.

• I have a crazy amount of studying to do. The individual course workload is not hard, but when combined with other transfer level courses, it feels impossible to get anything done.

• I have family issues that stress me out. My sister's baby daddy drama. My parent's gambling addiction. My brother misbehaving in school. My having to babysit on weekends, while they go out, because I don't have the heart to say, "No!". This complicates things for me because it means I can't study on the weekends. My not studying on weekends jeopardizes my chances of passing my courses with at least a 3.0 gpa, which I need to transfer to Cal in the spring!...sigh.

• I can't ignore the injustices that are taking place in the Associated Student Organization (ASO). The ASO, student government, President Ahmed thinks he's a Pharaoh. The executive officers have no real say in any process. If there is a process. Typically, I've noticed, it's his word or resign! What type of shit is that?! He makes students feel unwelcome in the one place that is for students by students, the fucken ASO office! I loathe people that take advantage of their power status. If you're reading this Ahmed, FUCK YOU!!

• "The very essence of romance is uncertainty."- Oscar Wilde. Oh, how this quote rings true! I was so lost in the details of my relationship. Now I realize that I tried too hard. I didn't need to understand the meaning of things, that were insignificant. In doing this, I forgot to acknowledge that it was his relationship too! I was selfish. I've learned my lesson. Never again!

Wow! I feel so much better. Now I can focus and get back to studying!

Waves

Let them crash
onto your chest;
feel them pull you
to that place.
It's okay.
Though you should know,
your skin and bones
cannot protect.
Let the waves
take you whole,
Your heart cannot
go alone.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Bus Ride

The sky is dark, but
the white, green, yellow, and red
lights, keep me awake.
I stare in awe as they move past,
fast, and then slow,
the bright red letters remind me,
I'm almost home!

By: Brandy Ruiz

Creative Writing Club

I went to a Creative Writing Club meeting earlier this week. We listened to three songs and were told to write whatever came to mind during that time. This is what I came up with...

1st song:
The silence hurts,
my ears drum,
your voice is so close,
but will I ever hear it.

2nd song:
It's funny watching everyone try to write something on their paper. Their pencils move, but the thought is stuck. It can't move from their head to their finger tips. I wonder what they're writing. I'm sure they're scribbling single words or maybe they're just doodling on the edges of their paper. What a bunch of fakers! I'm one too though. That's why you're reading this.

3rd song:
The black ant on the white surface,
where's it going?
It moves on the edges of the white,
the light doesn't reveal it's intentions.

I couldn't focus on one idea to write about. I had a different one for each song. I was really distracted the whole time. That ant on the floor kept grabbing my attention, lol! :)

Let the Planning Commence!

My former ASO (student government) advisor is still on my case, thank God! LOL! I need a push now and then to get back on track. She keeps asking me for updates on my transferring to UC Berkeley this coming spring. I keep telling her that I'm on it. When I'm actually not. However, starting today, the planning has commenced! I'm planning a trip to visit the campus in November. I want to go to CalSO, which is the transfer student orientation. I can't wait. I'm very excited! Of course, planning something like this, by myself, is harder than it seems. I'm sure it'll all workout though. I was the one organizing the ASO trips for two years. ^_^

On The Right Track

I feel like my life is on the right track. I'm getting along with the people around me, for the most part. I'm also learning how to be in a relationship.But, most importantly, I'm getting good grades to satisfy the UC Berkeley contract I agreed to.

I've been sacrificing alot of myself for myself. If that makes any sense, lol. I've not only been chanting more, but I have been working my ass to make sure everything I desire comes true. At this moment, I feel that life will be great for me. Why? You'll see.