Label Me A Failure

I did everything and have nothing to show for it. What a pity. I could have done nothing and stripped others of their glory, like many did with me, but I didn't. Perhaps I’m a fool. I wonder if I will make it in this world. Anyway, soon I will no longer be in a position of power. I will be ordinary once again; and actually, I can’t wait! Finally, I will be free of the rules that bind me like a book. The ideas expressed will be my own and I shall savor every word, like if it was my last. If making it in this world means doing and saying what others expect me to, I would rather be labeled a failure.

The Chore

The knife is my hand,
and it feels so good.
They don't make a run for it,
they just stay put, there, acting lifeless.
Nothing has a chance to escape!
They fear me...
"Mom, I'm done cutting the vegetables!"

By: Brandy Ruiz

Recycle

I am the trash that attracts
the worst type of grime,
as I tumble aimlessly towards the gutter.
You don't bother to see me, here, falling.
Why don't you try to pick me up?
Are you really that selfish?
In any case, I'll remain here waiting;
dreaming of being lifted and recycled
so I can start over.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Brandy Pandy

A friend of mine wrote the following poem yesterday. He said it was a gift for my birthday, which is tomorrow. It's about me. He is always trying to psycho analyze me. My lack of self-confidence must had been his inspiration, lol. Anyway, enjoy.

The timid eyes, without shaken pride,

she hides from all that lies, but can’t hide the fight,

but it’s because of the fight, that she hides in plain sight.

The idea is there, but what are the words?

The idea without expression, how absurd!

That’s stupid, that sucks, and that swallows;

so behind my screen I release my sorrows.

Why do I do this?

I don’t know.

Don’t ask me questions, just leave me alone!

But read my words, I swear this is me.

The laughter, the innocent smile,

why can’t you see that it’s only skin deep.

I retreat into myself.

Friend to lost souls and misfits,

sibling to the gross, sweet souls,

so I pretend to give a shit.

They depend on me, but I wasn’t ready.

They can’t blame me, fuck them.

It’s not my fault their judgment wasn’t steady,

But the truth is, I’m bright as a nova.

The party revolves around me, about me, for me,

I AM the next generation!

The quiet idea will scream loud,

as the timid brings you to your knees.

I will hide no more when the quiet tide turns to my favor.

“Are you ready for more?” will be my threat to all the haters.

By: Scott Stamler

Tumbleweed

I speak
but the words don’t sound,
they're too controversial,
so I’m tuned out.
They're not thinking for themselves,
for their minds have been tampered with;
lies of liberty, justice, and the American dream,
cloud their independent thought.
It seems they rather die
dependent and deprived,
than fight for truth,
given that my words are simply tossed
into the wind.
There they blow!
The letters tangled and dry,
a tumbleweed comes to mind.

By: Brandy Ruiz

I'm Normal Again!

I got a Monroe and tounge piercing today. I haven't had either for acouple of years. It feels good to be back to normal. I felt so weird without them. The pain was tolerable; I actually enjoyed the experience. Hi, me from the future, I have two lip piercings but no piercing! I had to take them off.

Mother's Garden

In her garden time withers
like the nameless plant
she despises.
She's the creator,
there, fixated on the moist soil
she concentrates her magic;
her fingertips smooth over the earth,
as her eyes feast on the rich colors
of the flowers, tomatoes, chili peppers, and basil,
all of which never smelled as sweet,
as they do today.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Resiste! by La Resistencia

Viva Ska!

I love this song! La Misma, by Red Store Bums!

A Bad Friend

I am reflecting and realizing that I have been ignoring everyone that is not in my family. Is this that defense mechanism I created years ago as means for emotional survival?

I have heard that there are other people besides your family that care about you and what you do. Friends, they call them. I have friends, right? I think I do. I have been told that I do. If they are my friends, certainly then, they would understand, that I am afraid and that I have been afraid.

Honestly, I feel that I won’t see any of them again. Maybe I'm trying to give myself an excuse; If I’m bad enough, then that would be why they aren’t speaking to me once we graduate, and not because life has decided to separate us. We are all going to have different lives. That's a good thing, right? I'm not so sure. I fear time will force us apart. In a few years, we would no longer know we exist! Will I be losing a big part of me?

I feel that I have no control! I am struggling for control?! Is this why I am acting the way I am? If so, why have I decided on the destructive path? Is it easier? Maybe. But I have hurt many with this mentality. This just goes to show, I can't be a good friend.

I don't understand why my friends just don't leave me though. They are not obligated to struggle with me, yet they do. I know they deserve better, so what should I do? It is obvious that I am wrong. One of my friends called me out on my bullshit. She is right; I have been cruel. I have been beating friendships senseless since I acknowledged their existence. Why? If only I was brave enough to tell them, that I love them, and I am going to miss them all very much. Alas, it's days like today that I wish I lived in a hole as dark as me.

Sunday Sun

Strong Sunday sun,
kiss my skin, your warmth beloved,
my body glows, the time goes slow
as I lay under you -
but shall I awake, with my skin ablaze,
like chili peppers burn my mouth,
I will hate you!

By: Brandy Ruiz

The Envelope

My whole family gathered around my dad, who was on his typical Saturday evening routine; He sat on a large brown leather chair watching “the game” and playing online poker on my lap top. The envelope waived in my mother’s hand like a flag. She held it excitedly. I held it for a second. She grabbed it from my hands and placed it in my father’s lap with a smile. He fumbled with the envelope. “It’s not the big envelope”, I said. “It looks full though”, my dad responded optimistically. After creating tension, he opened it. He looked at it for about five seconds, he mumbled something, and tossed the letter towards me. I didn’t get into USC.

I read the rejection letter twice. 9,200 transfer students applied and 75% of them were rejected. The average GPA of students admitted was a 3.7, which I had. I must admit that I was slightly disappointed for not getting in. I wanted to be the one doing the rejecting! LOL! I wasn’t going to accept their admission offer anyway. I feel it's fate. I’m meant to leave this house, this city, this reality. I’m destined for greater things... UC Berkeley is where it's at!

Love

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming
Flowers I ache from the perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer
Remember your hands; how did your lips
Feel on mine?

Because of you, I love the white statues
Drowsing in the parks, the white statues that
Have neither voice nor sight.

I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice;
I have forgotten your eyes.

Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to
My vague memory of you. I live with pain
That is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
Make to me an irreperable harm.

Your caresses enfold me, like climbing
Vines on melancholy walls.

I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to
Glimpse you in every window.

Because of you, the heady perfumes of
Summer pain me; because of you, I again
Seek out the signs that precipitate desires:
Shooting stars, falling objects.

- Pablo Neruda

The Wait

The trees don't grow
the branches strong,
but I hold on, with hunger,
and continue my search
for the sweet fruit, few find,
few find.

By: Brandy Ruiz

In Blackwater Woods

At the Creative Writing Club meeting yesterday, our advisor quoted the poem "In Blackwater Woods" by Mary Oliver before ending the meeting. I really liked it and decided to share the entire poem with you.

Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars

of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,

the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders

of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is

nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

Today's Quote

That man is not truly brave who is afraid either to seem or to be, when it suits him, a coward.

- Edgar Allan Poe

Lovers

The hills turn green as we arrive,
but we pay them no mind
and lay on them still,
as no one but we
show them our love,
‘tis the reason they loathe us.

By: Brandy Ruiz

The Promise

I'm your target, yet again
you strike me, and for now
I fake defeat,
chance will come
and I shall prove myself,
like you did.

By: Brandy Ruiz

What is a Haiku?

I've actually heard of this type of poem before, but had never read or wrote one. This is my best attempt.

Tender rainfall cease
Flourish again sweet flower
Young hummingbird sips

By: Brandy Ruiz

Silence

A friend died winter 2008. I wrote this poem later that year.

Distress tugs at my heart
like an eager leech,
my vision slightly blurs
and it's hard for me to breathe.
Incapable of saying goodbye,
I want to weep, weep, and weep-
but I don't make a sound.
The world falls silent
and I am at a loss for words,
unable to understand it,
the world seems to spin backwards.
Powerless to gravity,
my tears moisten the dirt
as my hands grasp the sweet grass-
yet, I can't make a sound.
As I solemnly lay,
it feels like lavas
flowing through my veins,
and my iron heart melts
with each beat it takes.
I long for the day
when we'll see each other again.
I will not say goodbye-
I refuse to!

By: Brandy Ruiz