Tell Me How You Feel, Damn it!

Why do people feel the need to conceal their feelings? I suppose they don't want to seem weak. If that's the case, does it make me any more vulnerable, then say, you, for saying how I feel all the time? Come on now. We're human; we bleed, we feel! What's wrong with society, man? I guess it's always been like this. Perhaps, people don't want to seem ignorant by expressing their personal feelings, so they just express their opinons on matters. I have a few friends like that. They want to keep an image of intellect, so they just discuss issues that don't deal with feelings really. It's so annoying, because I'm curious about how they feel and not what they think. There's a difference, you know, between feelings and opinons, though opinons have some feelings to them. Anyway, my point is that bottled up feelings kill! I don't know about you, but I rather grab my feelings from deep inside and throw them at you- let them smack you in the face, than let them take over my mind. LOL! Yeah, that's selfish of me. I stress you out, but I feel better. If you ask me, your not expressing yourself is going to be the death of you! Let that soak in...

Have a good night!

Updated Blog Design

Ooh, my blog doesn't look boring anymore. Maybe people will actually read it now, LOL! Blogger has some great designs all of a sudden. I know I'm attracted to blogs with cool designs. Of course, many of them end up dissapointing me, but I still like looking at them. ^_^

I Won't Open My Mouth...You'd Like That, Wouldn't You?!

There are so many mean things I could say, but I'll just stay quiet today. I won't open my mouth. My words won't strike your fragile ego and shatter it, like bullets to glass. I wish I could figure out why you do the things you do. Why do you hurt those that love you most? Why don't you care about the consequences to your actions? Why do you only care about yourself? Your children are secondary to the men in your life. You disgust me. I wish I could understand you. Do I want to understand you? You are so lost in this world.  Maybe, I should just give up on you, black sheep. You're a lost cause! Can I be this cruel? Or, am I in my right? You have left me raged and emotionally drained, like a wounded animal in the wood. I don't think you will ever change, and I don't think I could ever forgive you.

Things I Love

I love the smell of damp earth,
the colors of the yawning sky,
rainbows after rainy days,
walks under the moonlight,
but nothing compares
to that warm love deep inside
I feel when I see
that sparkle in your eyes.

By: Brandy Ruiz

I'm Sick

Out of nowhere, I'm sick! This sucks. My throat burns and my stomach hurts. Today is the second day of feeling like shit. Atleast I woke up to the smell of tomatoe soup. My mom spoils me. I'm so greatful for my family. I'm going to miss them deeply. Who's going to take care of me when I transfer to UC Berkeley? I'm going to try not to get sick. Yeah, like my immune system is on check like that. Oh, well. I guess I just have to suck it up.

Little Hands

I dedicate this poem to my niece Delilah, since she inspired it.

Little hand wrapped around my finger,
I feel the warmth of your unconditional love,
I will be on your side always,
please, don't out grow me.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Eyes

I found the following poem in my office as I cleared my desk of personal items. It is to my attention, but the author is unknown. I wonder who wrote it...tell me or else!

Her eyes look over, half covered by lids
They slice
They slice through heart
They slice through souls
They sculpt a smile to return
Those glorious twin globes
She calls her eyes.

There was a note with it:
Hey, just want you to know I have no hard feelings. Here is a poem you inspired recently. It's been great getting to know you these past few days.

SOCIETY with MEANS

It seems like I could never get sufficient answers. Everyday seems black until I force myself to seek truth. After today, I've figured that the only way to make sense of the social issues we face in the present, is to understand the events and facts of the past. History has always interested me, but I never knew how to use it. I know understand its significance. It is used to predict and strategize for the future. No wonder this fast paced society keeps the masses extra educated and uneducated. If people don't know their history, they have no means of understanding and changing their current conditions. Isn't it interesting how people all around the world know American history, but its citizens and the really graspy citizens are fixing the prices?

Anyway, you've heard that history repeats itself, right? Well, the part of history I'm interested in is already taking place. People are tired of the internet that is Capitalism and are open to different ideas. If you're not, then answer this: Under Capitalism, can there be equality, meaning no racism, sexism, or division of the masses? Of course not! Do we need this to happen? That's up for discussion. Capitalism needs to keep the masses divided for it to function; it divides the working class using race, sex, and wage. We are all wage slaves; working includes management and we are all workers and if we saw the world that way, there would be no borders to close. The rhetoric does offend disabled and mentally unhealthy people. How would international relations be like? I wish I knew. But what I do know is that I truly care in Capitalism. No reform will change its "blood thirsty" nature. Only fun escalates it so to be serious. It's accused of being the best beast that only exploits and destroys the people for profit. Well. Does it die for your well being? That is left for discussion.

"The Other Mother".

The days grow longer and stressful. The heat doesn't help my mood either. I hardly ever leave home. The children are the only thing on my mind. Of course they have mothers, my sisters. But seriously, they can't even wash a pan to fry an egg! If I don't cook and feed my nieces and nephew, okay it's true that mom probably would, but still. My sisters live in their own world. They need to get their shit together. This summer I've dubbed myself "The other mother".

I know my sisters neglect their kids on purpose. They know either mom or I will be there to do what they don't. And perhaps it's my fault. I haven't allowed them to be responsible? Nah, I'm just a sucker. Anyone else would be like, "Fuck you, take care of your own damn kids!" But I can't. I always imagine the worst. What would happen to them if I wasn't available to care for their kids, you know? Maybe if I backed off my sisters would become responsible. Yeah, right. And soon we'll have world peace and I would be able to touch a star! I wish. They would probably just continue staring at themselves in the mirror, talking on the phone for hours about random things, than give their kids a sandwich. This is so sad. I'm not saying I'm perfect and have my shit together, because believe me, I really don't!

Anyway, I could continue this rant, but I won't. And although my sisters are extremely inconsiderate and use me all the time, I love them. I just wish they would focus their energy on interacting with their kids instead of straighting their hair and taking Myspace pictures. Society is so fucked up, man! Oh, and before you call me a hypocrite, I can actually do this, because unlike them, I haven't carelessly created life and must now nurture it. Booyah! ^_^

Portrait

I can never think of another,
While I’m with you I walk on clouds,
The simplest of words get caught in my throat,
like a fish hooked on a line.

Why’s it so hard for me to breath?
I’m struggling for release,
An upset Cupid pulled the trigger,
to prove love is true.

Now I look like a portrait,
My smile’s fixed on you,
Eyes reveal my desire,
And there’s nothing I can do!

By: Brandy Ruiz

Time to Evolve

The space around me is insignificant,
if you could only dream my dreams,
millions of hands would create
many wondrous things.
The world's system could evolve,
like the creatures on this earth.
Will that mean the end?
That question's absurd!

By: Brandy Ruiz

Escape into Myself

The tangled mess inside my head
uncoiled like denatured protein,
of course I was not dead,
but live in the moment.
The ill thoughts had vanished,
like the morning mist when the sun rises;
I was free to explore
the depths of my mind.
My throat was warm with smoke,
I will never forget the high,
lips tingled with each puff,
a cool cloud was inside.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Snail

A neighbor gave my mom a plant from his garden the other day and I noticed a small creature on it. I picked up my camera and flashed away. As I did this, it came out of it's shell! I had never seen a snail up close before. It's odd looking, isn't it?

Seagulls Fly

I went to Dockweiler Beach today and took this picture. Perhaps it's due to the freedom of these seagulls, but I fell in love. Ah, how I wish I had wings and could soar above the sea, with them. Alas, it shall only be whilst I dream.

Insatiable Girl

The insatiable beast lures all
with little resistance
as she presents the fruit;
it's not as sweet as she would like,
but they eat it anyway.
Her heart is as sweet
though a mere seed,
the potential is there,
awaiting nurture.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Pencil to Paper

Pencil to paper is all I have
to release the wild thoughts
that cling to my mind
like flees do flesh;
It's a painful process,
one I endure alone,
those that know me
will never understand.

By: Brandy Ruiz

¿Aun sigue pensando en mi?

Me pregunto si realmente yo le rompi su corazón, como él dice que lo hice. Lo dudo. Es verdad que yo era insensible, pero ¿qué podía hacer?! Sus sentimientos fueron expresados en un momento inoportuno. No esperaba eso de el! Tal vez algún día encontrare amor; pero por hoy, no voy a pensar mucho de eso. Voy a siguer la corriente de la vida. Mi destino? Esta por determinarse, pero yo se que esta escrito.

Freeway

The colors filled with life
move at various speeds,
determined to reach their destiny,
they stop for no one.
I'm intrigued!
Are they just like me?

By: Brandy Ruiz

The Day

I must be spinning out of control,
for the colors seem to swirl,
a question pops into mind,
why don't I just resign?

By: Brandy Ruiz

Young Entrepreneur

You say the sweat on your brow is not worth it,
you think you already run on empty,
but then the boss reminds you,
promotion to cashier is next week,
and that’s where the big bucks are,
so you keep stocking shelves,
and dreaming of the big house with the white picket fence.

By: Brandy Ruiz