The entire semester, my last at a community college, I have procrastinated celebrating the idea of graduation and transfer. I have been accepted to UCSD, UCSB, UCLA, and UC Berkeley, and yet, no joy. Each time I opened “the big envelope” or read an e-mail notification, I stared blankly, as if hoping it were not true. Why am I feeling like this? Am I afraid? I kick my feelings around with a close friend everyday, seeking reason for existence. I suppose that I, like everyone else, have my doubts and don't fully trust in myself. It's strange, because I am surrounded by friends and family, yet, I feel so alone and disoriented. I wonder if this even makes sense! I wish time would stand still for a moment. I want to go at a snail's pace; at least he can enjoy the pleasures of life. I, I am rushing, I wonder why.
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