I'm Okay. It was a Nasty Fall

I went to Cal, hung out too long, came back super Mexi. I am Chicano god damnit! Lol I just felt a jolt or spring in my step to keep it up. I decided that life stinks. Stalkers suck. He's an idiot. She's a freak. I lose a lot. Hey! I can't always be a freaking winner. The sky is a projector. I like talking back to the fan. I need a date but life be fair!

I've Drifted Long Enough

Hello!
I am writing to let you all know that Bee's Blog will continue to post in reliance to the NEW blog Product of the Populars. There has been some concern as to the pace and the style of each website. There are efforts to continue. Although, I do feel like the NEW blog deserves just as much attention. Thanks for being part of this life long journey.

Sasquatch Stupid Ice Cube

A hunting we will go..

How can you keep writing?
The sentence is too smooth.

"I take deep breathes, like if my last, every time you speak."
     (apologetic sigh)
In my world, in the world, they said, "No." and "Ew."

Animal. Species. Greatness.

You can tell who's playing in each masterpiece.

That's Randy Orton.
     (Oooo)

An expectation: Don't be treated, buy your own ticket.
WELL,
I did buy. The world's biggest sin. I had no idea.
"Sinny sin sin. How's a (20) twinny twin twin?"
!Son culeros!

What's so good about it?
That you're awake. I think a lot.
Can you tell I'm a little off?
The "I have a friend" friend gets to gossip
"Whoo!"

"It's not only frustrating, to be trapped by a word, but fearful."- Brandy Ruiz

No, not everyone's a critic or a f***ing writer.

Open to the Last Word

Hereth it A cometh!

A family trying to take advantage of party style:

Give it to me
Straight to it
Go do it
I'ma chew it
Go on blew it.

Thank you, Thank you very much!

Is this Asian or Mexican?

But why you tell us?
"Honey are we there yet?"

Somewhere, white people are laughing at me to make me feel ignorant.

Here I A cometh!
Bubble
Stretch the bubble
(He gets smart. I get quiet.)

Was that the question?
The social script was cut in half or in thirds.
And there's not enough fantasy.

It makes someone similar talk.
Cheap bastard!

The need to feel important.
Here goes, here goes!

I'm a Queen in my room
A King in the streets
A princess on the staircase
And a prince in the kitchen.

RIP
David R.

This Is Too Much Like uhHappy Feet!

This video should be watched with Queen- Somebody to Love.

Who is Josy's JAM?! Nice Dance

Love the white tutu and the dancing. Kinda, wish it was me. !INSPIRATION!

Here's One Shot from My Head

Titleless

He thought it was about the virtual room.

I could make it real.

Is that the guy that got shot?

Rounds on the Block,

loads were made on the clock.

Were they delivered?

By: Brandy Ruiz

Here's a Sample of my Response to his Death: West L.A. College

David was the most annoying guy. (Love! <3 a="" all="" attention.="" available.="" family="" good="" he="" him="" his="" image...="" in="" is="" made="" name.="" scholarship="" take="" the="" to="" tried="" we="" well.="">

Brandy went to Cal where she learned how to dance in public spaces.

Heather still makes drunken calls to the future.
Eileen grew a third head. No joke. That's one bragging cookie.
Scott's partying too.

Did everyone find community college helpful? Questions?

In Loving Memory of David R. Rodriguez Student, Friend, and ASO Secretary

It Goes with a Ranchera, homeboy.

Behavior that Fuuhhks...Fly Seagulls Fly!

I Leave My Nest

I leave my nest tomorrow. The road will be long, but worth every mile. My parents are coming with me. I'm truly blessed to have them in my life. They've been unbelievably supportive of every decision I've made since I started community college in winter of 2007...As I sit here, on my bed, childhood memories rush through my mind like water rushes through a broken dam. I've let down my guard and I'm allowing myself to feel. I laugh and I cry. I've been through so much bullshit, this blessing is actually hard for me to accept...I still feel like I'm wandering through life without purpose, but this move feels right. That little voice inside my head has tried to break me down with negative thoughts lately, but I haven't allowed fear of change to get the best of me. I'm starting to see that life is about trials and tribulations, but with love we can overcome.

She's Been Right All Along

Oh my God, this week has been a battle! I'm glad none of my friends live close enough to hear my mother and I bicker. Every time my mom tells me to do something, I put up a fight thinking I'm right. After doing, whatever it is we were arguing about, my way, I realize that I should just give in because she is in fact always right! I have to admit that her way of doing things tends to produce satisfying outcomes. But I don't think about this. I'm quick to think she does or says things to embarrass me, or push my buttons, when she's actually just looking out for my best interest. We live and we learn. LOL!

I'm Doing Something Right...

My "Bon Voyage Party" was great. What party? My going away party!  It was yesterday at my friend Holly's house. She's awesome by the way. Anyway, a few of my good friends came to hangout with me before my move to Berkeley next week. We drank some wine, ate "Brandycake", talked about school, and opened cool gifts. It feels really good to know how much people care about me.

Every gift was special. I'm especially fond of the Sony Reader Touch Edition my sisters gifted me with, and the grey winter coat my good friend, Heather, gave me. They will definitely come in handy when school starts. Oh, I also like the gift cards, soft black scarf, photo calender of me, laundry and school supplies...okay, so I like everything! I really was only expecting like one gift...the gift of "love". Awww! LOL! So, knowing that people went out of their way to provide me with items I will need to be secure, pleases me. It shows that I'm doing something right and that I am worthy of affection. Okay, I know...my low self-esteem is showing!

How are all of you doing, anyway? Any new things planned for the year? I wish you all much success in all your endeavors! Stay up! ~Bee

Cleaned Out My Closet

I couldn’t have chose a better day to literally clean out my closet. I’ve had books, academic papers, exams, shoes, clothes, computer accessories, and my treasure chest all piled on top of each other on the top part of my closet for months now! I can’t believe how much of a pack rat I’ve become! Or, should I say I’ve just been busy…too busy to clean? Yeah, lets go with that one! LOL! Nah, no excuses! I would pull away from the idea of organizing it whenever I remembered how much crap was actually in it. I was just lazy. But today, for some strange reason, I had the urge to clean it out. Maybe I felt like doing it because it’s New Years Eve and I wanted a fresh start. Whatever the reason, I did it! It took me two hours. I’m proud of myself.

So, why am I making a big deal out of cleaning my stupid closet? Because I’ve actually been feeling so down lately I can almost say I was in a slight depression. Why? Because my entire family has been sick. My nieces had pneumonia. My mom, brother, sisters, and I have had a cold for about a week. Worst yet, my father has been bedridden since the day after Christmas. He had pneumonia and is now having complications due to his Diabetes. It’s hard for me to see him take so many pills and still be in such pain. I’ve almost felt like I wasn’t going to get any cleaning, organizing, and packing done before Move-in Day at Cal on Jan. 12th, 2011, because of my worrying about his health. He woke up looking better today though, which is why I think I got motivated to pack some items up. I need to stay positive and shower my home with positive energy. He will heal soon. I will make sure of that. I’m looking forward to the new year. This year, 2010 has been stressful, yet productive. I will make the new year, 2011, productive and  fun!! I wish you all a very healthy and happy New Year!! Love ya! ~Bee

One Love

It’s the day after finals. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I caught something, a type of flu, I think, the night I stayed up cramming for the Chemistry final. I’m sure my immune system was down because of the stress to finish this semester strong. The lack of sleep, anxiety, and pressure to excel made me susceptible to poor health. It’s actually been messing with my thoughts and overall mood. However, though I’ve been sick, I took all my final exams with an extreme determination to earn the highest grade. This semester I took Chemistry, Social Psychology, Sociology, and Library Science. More than half of my time this semester was spent studying Chemistry. I am proud of myself. I never thought I would take a course in Chemistry, nor did I ever dream I would earn the best grade. Yeah, you read correctly. I got an “A” in Chemistry! The rest of my time was divided between the other classes; most of it went towards Sociology, then Social Psychology, and lastly Library Science. They were all challenging courses. I’ve never felt so pressured to learn. I’m glad that I have the mental capacity and social support to navigate through the bourgeoisie education system…I will end that there, since I don’t feel like ranting about social structures and inequality.


Changing topics, my friend is proud of me. She says that my magic is on! It’s true. I’ve been able to make thoughts materialize. She believes that we are pure energy and if we are positive in our thinking, do things that will lead to the ultimate goal we have, we can create the outcome. I’ve never forgotten what she’s told me, which is, “You are always in control.” I believe that we can make anything happen, if we work hard and believe in what we are doing. I trust that this developing consciousness of oneness will be the reason for my long, healthy, and positive life. I look forward to my life’s transition. In a few weeks, I will have new experiences, thoughts, and pieces to share. Keep me in your thoughts. I’ll keep you in mine. One love. Bee.

Extra Credit!

To get extra credit in my Library Science research course, I needed to create a web page, blog, or join a social network and post a few things on it. I decided that my blog would be the best place to post the links requested.

1. Graphic.

2. Tile on the top of the page.

3. Six linkable URLs to your class project topic:

Best Online Resources for Learning about Maladaptive Personality Disorders
http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/39/17/12
http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/persdisorders.html
http://www.merckmanuals.com/home/sec07/ch105/ch105a.html
http://www.healthofchildren.com/P/Personality-Disorders.html
http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/personality-disorders
http://www.health.am/psy/personality-disorders/

4. Link to a news video:

Univision:Top-5-secrets-revealed-on-Wikileaks

5. An entry within the last month.

I'm Fucken Sick!

I don't ever remember being this sick! I have a massive head ache, stomach ache, and a sore throat. I woke up in a whimper this morning. The first thing I did was reach for some medicine. I can hardly utter a sound. That's how bad this thing is. I don't even know what to call what I have. Basically, I feel like I have a hangover, but I didn't drink any alcohol. I could sure use a drink right about now though.

Anyway, although I got sick Sunday night, as I crammed for the Chemistry final, I haven't allowed this "feeling like shit" thing get to me. I've taken three of four final exams. The last one is actually the easiest: Library Science. I haven't felt like posting anything these past few days because of exams. I will probably have less time to blog when I start attending Cal. I hope that's not the case.

It's Time!

I have a research paper due one Monday for Social Psychology that I have yet to start working on. Not to mention, I have two finals the day this paper is due: Social Psych. and Chem. which is the cause of my stress in more recent days. I can't believe that this semester is finished! I feel like I was physically in this world for the past few months, but my mind wasn't. As if, my thoughts have been frozen in time and are now awaken by fear. It's a strange and somewhat scary feeling. In this world, time means everything and nothing at the same time, you know. We are pressured to keep track of time and squeeze as many activities into an hour as possible so as to be or appear productive. But what does that mean, really? Does any of this "productivity" matter? We are always trying to please and impress others, but why? Why don't we strive to please ourselves and do the things that we like to do? Why must we be slaves to the time created by man? Shouldn't we live by our own interpretation of time and live peacefully? Is that even possible? ... It seems impossible!

Relationship Issues

I feel like my first relationship wasn't really a "relationship". What do I mean? I mean, it was more of a friendship with benefits than anything romantic or special. Honestly, I thought that was the type of relationship I wanted, but as I reflect back on it, all I have are empty memories. I felt shallow emotions for this guy and never anything real. I can't really explain what I was feeling, except that it was mostly sexual and not emotional. I was sexually frustrated, I think it's called. I confuse my thoughts and feelings. I guess that's a reason for my strange behavior, LOL!

So, what am I looking for? What do I need? I just want to be happy, man. Will anyone make me happy? I think that's where the problem resides. I need to find ways, things, to make myself happy before I can expect anyone else to. Right? I think I just resolved my own problem. I shouldn't get involved with anyone until I figure out what it is I like and need.

Entertain me! :)

What type of relationships do you seek? Do you look for meaningful relationships or fun one night stands? Which do you recommend? Does it depend on your mood or situation? What would you do in my situation?

It's a Grandpa Song

I was writing a post about a problem I was having when I heard my niece singing about random things. I decided to type down what I heard and sing it back to her, LOL! She's adorable! She named this piece, "Grandpa Song".

Grandpa was walking
and he was at work,
he was giving me coffee
and juice,
he was giving me coffee
and food,
smoothie too!
I didn't drink all of the drinks,
no, not lot of drinks, no!
Only one smoothie
because I get fat.

By: Diamond Hernandez